Normal

So, I followed up with the doc about my wrists today, and I still have to just rest them.

I have actually seen three doctors at my local clinic about my wrists over the past few weeks. The first one sent me for an ultrasound and suggested physio with dry needling. The second one, who is was my regular doctor until this moment, then said to stop physio and wait for a blood test. The third one, who I saw today, said that all my blood tests came back normal, and that I just have to wait until my wrists get better.

When I saw my regular doctor, the one who said to stop physio, he gave me the impression – as he has on several previous occasions – that he thought I was simply an attention-seeking, time-wasting hypochondriac, and he wasn't prepared to waste any resources on treating my wrists. He can't refer me to a psychiatrist for this, as I already see one. (I have also seen shrinks in the past who have concluded that my pain isn't psychosomatic (I don't have a specific diagnosis for my condition, so it's generally felt that I must be making it up).)

The ultrasound I was sent for came back normal (apparently the ganglion it showed is also normal), and the blood tests all came back normal. Therefore, my wrists must be completely normal. And all this normality trumps my pain.

And yet, my wrists remain very painful. Very. What none of them seem to appreciate is how devastating it is for me to have painful wrists. It's affecting everything, from my diet (because I can't lift or hold things in order to cook) to my studying (it's painful to write or type, and I'm exhausted from not sleeping well, from having painful wrists, as well as all my other painful body parts), and generally making life extremely difficult and very frustrating.

They also don't seem to realise how almost impossible it is for me to rest my wrists. I live alone and do everything myself - or at least used to, when I could. I use a wheelchair to go anywhere out of my home, which puts considerable stress on my wrists. I am resting and strapping and supporting my wrists as much as I can, but they're not improving.

Now I have a written exam at the end of next week, which will require me writing for an hour and a half; I can barely write my name at the moment. I have assignments to finish, and I can't type very much, and the dictation software is driving me absolutely crazy. If I'm not losing sleep from the pain, I'm lying awake, stressing about failing another semester, and never getting through this effing course.

And finally, when my History lecturer called the other day , she asked what my doctors were doing for my wrists. I just started crying. Me? Crying? That's not normal.