Five reasons not to be my friend.

1. I don't call.
This is true. Only part of the reason for this is that I am on a very restricted budget, and try not to call when a text or email will suffice, but this hasn't always been the case, and I still didn't call people. So the main reason is that I just don't like making phone calls. I don't exactly know why, but I have to say that at least some of it is because I don't want to intrude into the other person's day. They might have been doing something important, only to have been interrupted by me.

This antipathy towards phone-calling runs in my family. Probably not genetic so much as cultural; I don't even remember having a phone when we were kids. We probably did, but it just didn't feature in our lives.

The only people I won't hesitate in calling (other than checking what the time is in their time zone) are my Mum and my Dad. I've even called my sister once or twice, but it wouldn't be much more than that. Mind you, I would probably call more often in we were in the same country, as my inferiority complex doesn't extend to my immediate family.

2. Dexter is annoying.
This is true of at least one ex-friend that has recently terminated our friendship, and was stated as one of the main reasons for doing so.

I've never professed to being the perfect assistance dog handler. In fact, I think I have been pretty open with my struggles with maintaining Dexter's training and behaviour. The fact is that he is a very affectionate dog (he's a cocker spaniel), and gets excited when he sees people he likes. I still battle with his exuberant greetings when people come to visit, and he is distractable by people he knows, and so isn't always totally obedient.

However, he remains vital to me as an assistance dog, and he is a very effective assistance dog, and when it comes to being my friend, Dexter is part of the package, hair, slobber, ebullient greetings and all.

3. I cancel arrangements at short notice.
Yes, I do. But I never do it casually. I live with chronic pain that leads to chronic fatigue. Sometimes I get so tired that I simply can't function, whether or not we were supposed to get together for afternoon tea or the movies. Yes, I admit that I have slept through things. Important things. But I don't do it on purpose: I simply cannot help it.

However, my tendency towards catatonia is not the only reason I might cancel on you. I have other responsibilities that might have to take precedence. Try not to feel offended.

One recent incident (cited by my two very recent ex-friends) involved not attending a pre-Christmas morning tea with a particular group of friends. I had been looking forward to it for weeks, as this particular group only managed to all get together infrequently. However, I was looking after one particularly challenging puppy at the time, and then, the day before our little party, had another one of our puppies needing urgent veterinary attention. I tried getting someone else to take the puppy to the vet, and even considered letting the puppy suffer for an extra day, just so that I could make this party... of course, I couldn't. I made as early appointment as I could, hoping that I could still catch the end of the morning tea, but the injury to the puppy was serious, so it was a protracted consultation. I missed the party, and as a result mortally wounded two friendships.

Of course, added to this is Point 1, where rather than calling to cancel, I will do it by text or email, thereby compounding the felony.

4. I live too much of my live on facebook and/or twitter.
I'm not sorry that I tweet and facebook. In fact, before facebook (which I was introduced to by one of the same ex-friends that blamed it for our relationship failure) I was a MySpacer. I enjoy blogging, and reading about other people's goings on, especially those of my family. I like hearing about the minutae of their lives, as I would if I was able to pop round for a visit.

Starting my MySpace page connected me really, really well with my brothers, who are long-time bloggers, and communicated primarily through email and websites. I saw it as a way of speaking their language, and as a result we have been in close contact ever since. This was quickly extended to both of my parents and my sister, and although we are spread out through England, Scotland and Australia, we are in contact most days.

When I moved over to facebook, I connected with several past friends that I had lost contact with, through moving schools, jobs, countries etc, and was ecstatic to have found them again. I found distant family members, and got to catch up what had been going on with them all over the past however many years.

All of my immediate family, and a large number of my best friends are overseas. facebook has become my way of communicating. Most of my local friends are also on facebook, so it was a natural extension to communicate with them all in the same way.

I do accept that I have neglected to maintain such good connections with my non-facebooking friends, and Will Try Harder in future. However, facebook and twitter are currently the best ways to keep in touch with me. It's something that I can physically achieve over the long term, and is more reliable than letter-writing (and definitely phone calls), which I can postpone indefinitely.

5. I am obsessed with knitting and dogs.
To say that I am "obsessed" is to imply that I will forgo the necessities of life in preference for the activity - or activities - with which I am obsessed.

Knitting: I love knitting. I like making things, and especially making things for people I love. I am a very tactile person, and so like having something in my hands. I usually keep my knitting to myself, at home, or at knitting groups (I go to roughly one a month). However, since I decided to Come Out as a knitter, I have occasionally taken my knitting with me when I've been to a friend's place, as I felt that if we were going to be sitting about chatting, it couldn't hurt to take some knitting with me. I can still talk and listen or watch telly or a movie while I knit (I'm quite a good knitter), and if I didn't have knitting to occupy my hands I would be fiddling with something else. I felt that it was acceptable; it's a part of me, they are my friends and therefore accept that about me. Mostly that is the case. Clearly not always.

Dogs: I love dogs. I particularly love Dexter, and have had a successions of puppies staying with me from time to time over the past 2 years. In particular it's been a puppy-palooza around my place over the past 6 weeks. This has been challenging, tiring and lately quite stressful. However, I persist with it as it's for Canine Helpers, and the alternatives to my taking in the puppies at these times (puppy raisers on holidays or needing a break from a demanding puppy) is that we rehome the dog and lose a valuable resource.

Having more than one dog is difficult, especially as I often can't leave the 2nd dog at home alone for more than an hour or so at a time (Mack barks incessantly), but then I can't take them everywhere I need to go, either.

Besides, these aren't just puppies. These are learner assistance dogs, so we have to be careful about their raising, training and socialisation, or else me may damage their development. It's a big responsibility, and one that I take seriously - possibly too seriously, but I feel that I owe it to them to do the best I can by them, as they are not in a position to fend for themselves.

So lately, and particularly since mid-November, my life has turned into a cycle of toilet training, cleaning up wee and poo from toileting mistakes, taking dogs to the park, washing them after the park to prevent allergies, cleaning up dog hair and mud, washing dog towels, coats, leads, toys, mediating squabbles over toys, dog training, training logs, buying kilos upon kilo of raw chicken and all the other elements of a barf diet, feeding dogs and cleaning up the the poo in the outside areas. Add to that Dexter's increased barking habit, which Mack occasionally chimes in with, and it's a bit hectic around my way, to say the least.

I'm not obsessed with dogs, but I am definitely preoccupied with them right now.

If you still want to be my friend...
...then all I ask is that you bear all this in mind. When Mack is with his trainer I will be able to do some remedial manners training with Dexter. I will work with my psychiatrist to overcome my antipathy towards making phone calls. I will leave my knitting at home, and get some of those caffeine pills so that I never sleep through a play date again.

You won't keep me off twitter and facebook, though.

Lots of love,

Kate(and Dexter. He's part of the deal, remember?)