WARNING: This is a big whinge. Feel free to skip it.
29.01.12 I didn't sleep AT ALL last night, but it wasn't for want of trying. I went sensibly to bed at 9.30pm - not even staying up to watch the men's Australian Open final - as I had plans for today, but couldn't sleep. It wasn't that I slept intermittently; I didn't sleep at all.
This is not unusual; to say that I don't sleep well would be an understatement. I very rarely sleep for more than 5 hours at a stretch, and it's more usually 3 - 4. I know that I do sleep sometimes, because I have lurid nightmares and the most bizarre dreams imaginable. But occasionally, like last night, I don't fall asleep at all.
There are various reasons why I can't sleep. Last night it was predominantly pain. My hip joints were burning, and my thigh bones were aching (not the muscle, the bones) and I had run out of Tramadol, my main pain reliever. I always have pain, but this was more and worse than usual. It was partly my fault, as I hadn't taken my regular pain meds on time, but part of it was because I hadn't slept properly the previous night, and got myself into strange positions that left me sore and aching when I woke up.
Sometimes I'm in extra pain because I've done too much during the day. If I carry something heavy, or walk too much, or lean over something, I can land myself in more pain. If I stumble or overbalance, or twist my leg, it can lead to more pain. Sometimes I haven't done any of these things and I can just have a bad day/night.
This is often exacerbated by my not taking my pain medications on time. It's a bit of a vicious circle. If I sleep badly, I don't get up at the right time, so I don't take my meds at the right time - or if I'm late for something, or distracted I can forget altogether until it's too late to prevent further pain. Ideally, I should take my meds every 12 hours on the dot, so that I have a consistent level of the drugs in my system. However, this system breaks down regularly, and I have to wait out the extra pain until I'm on top of things again.
Sometimes it's not pain that keeps me awake, but Restless Legs. At the best of times I find it difficult to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. I can only stay in one position for about 5 minutes before I have to move, which leads to bedsheet macrame, dropped pillows and an irritated cat. When my legs are restless - usually caused by lack of pain meds - Freddy cat leaves the bed altogether, to escape my flailing limbs. Ordinarily, nothing can shift Freddy if he wants to be on the bed, but he draws the line at getting kicked in the head.
When it's not the pain, or the restless legs, it will be mind traffic. I don't have any meds for that, so I then try some basic meditations to try to stop the noise in my head. Concentrating on breathing and relaxing can help, but sometimes I just can't turn it off....
Funnily enough, it's hardest to turn my brain off when I'm inspired. Whether it's something creative, or a uni assignment, or just something new I've learned about, I find I'm running scenarios, or conversations, or even whole lessons in my head. Writing down thoughts and ideas can help, but not always.
I try to practice good sleep hygiene. My bedroom could be tidier and more serene, but it's at least quiet (barring the neighbours' music or a heavy downpour of rain). I don't have a TV, computer or stereo in there, just my bed, books and sudokus. I find that solving a couple of sudoku puzzles very relaxing, and because it's abstract, I can take a break from my thoughts. I try to go to bed at a regular time, but being on uni holidays has made it easier for me to let it slide.
When things are going OK, I do take naps during the day. My optimum sleep pattern is to get about 5 hours overnight, and have a 90-minute nap during the day. However, if I haven't slept enough (or at all), I try not to nap. If I end up sleeping for longer than that hour and a half during the day, it can then affect how I sleep ant night. But too often my insomnia turns into narcolepsy, and I just cannot stay awake. This is when I simply sleep through appointments, phone calls and even knocks at the door. Bizarrely, though, sometimes not having a nap can make it harder for me to sleep at night. It all depends on when and how I've been sleeping the night or days previously.
There are more side-effects to not sleeping than just being exhausted. It often makes me feel ill, so that I can't eat properly - and I have to eat in order to take my medications. It leaves me unable to drive, so I have to cancel plans. It has me then falling uncontrollably asleep at the wrong times of day, and, most of all, it gets me down.
I struggle with fatigue as a matter of course, and it's much more debilitating than the chronic pain I live with. When I am excessively tired, it's even more difficult than usual to stay positive. I have to practice being positive like other people practice a new skill. I have to tell myself that I can be productive, and I can study, and I can be a teacher, despite all this stuff I'm dealing with. I just have to work at getting myself back on track, and work harder at not letting it all fall over again.
On the other hand, sometimes sleeping isn't particularly restful! I have extremely vivid dreams, sometimes bizarre, sometimes unsettling, sometimes scary or upsetting. I remember some of them very clearly when I wake up, and the effect can stay with me for the rest of the day. Occasionally, I can trace the source of a dream; I've had dreams about people I know, things I do (like sudoku!), and places I've been, but I've also had dreams that I can't fathom at all. I'd love to know where my sub-conscious gets its ideas.
It's going to take me a day or two to get myself back on track, and I'll be trying to stay on an even keel (sailing reference for my Mum's entertainment). I have just got back into swimming, so hopefully the regular exercise will help. I am very motivated, as I will be back at uni in a few weeks' time, and I want to make a better job of it this semester. Fatigue really hampered my efforts last semester. The important thing is to keep going, and to pick myself up whenever I stumble.
I'm pretty good at that.
29.01.12 I didn't sleep AT ALL last night, but it wasn't for want of trying. I went sensibly to bed at 9.30pm - not even staying up to watch the men's Australian Open final - as I had plans for today, but couldn't sleep. It wasn't that I slept intermittently; I didn't sleep at all.This is not unusual; to say that I don't sleep well would be an understatement. I very rarely sleep for more than 5 hours at a stretch, and it's more usually 3 - 4. I know that I do sleep sometimes, because I have lurid nightmares and the most bizarre dreams imaginable. But occasionally, like last night, I don't fall asleep at all.
There are various reasons why I can't sleep. Last night it was predominantly pain. My hip joints were burning, and my thigh bones were aching (not the muscle, the bones) and I had run out of Tramadol, my main pain reliever. I always have pain, but this was more and worse than usual. It was partly my fault, as I hadn't taken my regular pain meds on time, but part of it was because I hadn't slept properly the previous night, and got myself into strange positions that left me sore and aching when I woke up.
Sometimes I'm in extra pain because I've done too much during the day. If I carry something heavy, or walk too much, or lean over something, I can land myself in more pain. If I stumble or overbalance, or twist my leg, it can lead to more pain. Sometimes I haven't done any of these things and I can just have a bad day/night.
This is often exacerbated by my not taking my pain medications on time. It's a bit of a vicious circle. If I sleep badly, I don't get up at the right time, so I don't take my meds at the right time - or if I'm late for something, or distracted I can forget altogether until it's too late to prevent further pain. Ideally, I should take my meds every 12 hours on the dot, so that I have a consistent level of the drugs in my system. However, this system breaks down regularly, and I have to wait out the extra pain until I'm on top of things again.
Sometimes it's not pain that keeps me awake, but Restless Legs. At the best of times I find it difficult to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. I can only stay in one position for about 5 minutes before I have to move, which leads to bedsheet macrame, dropped pillows and an irritated cat. When my legs are restless - usually caused by lack of pain meds - Freddy cat leaves the bed altogether, to escape my flailing limbs. Ordinarily, nothing can shift Freddy if he wants to be on the bed, but he draws the line at getting kicked in the head.
When it's not the pain, or the restless legs, it will be mind traffic. I don't have any meds for that, so I then try some basic meditations to try to stop the noise in my head. Concentrating on breathing and relaxing can help, but sometimes I just can't turn it off....
Funnily enough, it's hardest to turn my brain off when I'm inspired. Whether it's something creative, or a uni assignment, or just something new I've learned about, I find I'm running scenarios, or conversations, or even whole lessons in my head. Writing down thoughts and ideas can help, but not always.
I try to practice good sleep hygiene. My bedroom could be tidier and more serene, but it's at least quiet (barring the neighbours' music or a heavy downpour of rain). I don't have a TV, computer or stereo in there, just my bed, books and sudokus. I find that solving a couple of sudoku puzzles very relaxing, and because it's abstract, I can take a break from my thoughts. I try to go to bed at a regular time, but being on uni holidays has made it easier for me to let it slide.
When things are going OK, I do take naps during the day. My optimum sleep pattern is to get about 5 hours overnight, and have a 90-minute nap during the day. However, if I haven't slept enough (or at all), I try not to nap. If I end up sleeping for longer than that hour and a half during the day, it can then affect how I sleep ant night. But too often my insomnia turns into narcolepsy, and I just cannot stay awake. This is when I simply sleep through appointments, phone calls and even knocks at the door. Bizarrely, though, sometimes not having a nap can make it harder for me to sleep at night. It all depends on when and how I've been sleeping the night or days previously.There are more side-effects to not sleeping than just being exhausted. It often makes me feel ill, so that I can't eat properly - and I have to eat in order to take my medications. It leaves me unable to drive, so I have to cancel plans. It has me then falling uncontrollably asleep at the wrong times of day, and, most of all, it gets me down.
I struggle with fatigue as a matter of course, and it's much more debilitating than the chronic pain I live with. When I am excessively tired, it's even more difficult than usual to stay positive. I have to practice being positive like other people practice a new skill. I have to tell myself that I can be productive, and I can study, and I can be a teacher, despite all this stuff I'm dealing with. I just have to work at getting myself back on track, and work harder at not letting it all fall over again.
On the other hand, sometimes sleeping isn't particularly restful! I have extremely vivid dreams, sometimes bizarre, sometimes unsettling, sometimes scary or upsetting. I remember some of them very clearly when I wake up, and the effect can stay with me for the rest of the day. Occasionally, I can trace the source of a dream; I've had dreams about people I know, things I do (like sudoku!), and places I've been, but I've also had dreams that I can't fathom at all. I'd love to know where my sub-conscious gets its ideas.
It's going to take me a day or two to get myself back on track, and I'll be trying to stay on an even keel (sailing reference for my Mum's entertainment). I have just got back into swimming, so hopefully the regular exercise will help. I am very motivated, as I will be back at uni in a few weeks' time, and I want to make a better job of it this semester. Fatigue really hampered my efforts last semester. The important thing is to keep going, and to pick myself up whenever I stumble.
I'm pretty good at that.
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